photos taken by me
(1) japchae (vermicelli noodles with vegetables)
(2) bean-dae-dduhk (mungbean pancakes)
(3) makkoli (Korean rice wine)
As 2011 came to a close, I began to reflect on the past year (or rather the last two), one last time. It’s been two years since I graduated college, and ever since then, life and time feels like it's passing by in a seemingly new kind of way. It's gotten
me to question a lot and feel things I’ve never felt before, or rather, didn’t want to feel or
think about before. Completely the opposite of impulsive, I'm the type who's wrapped up too much
inside her own head. Also plagued with a chronic case of dwelling-in-the-past, I tend to focus on irrelevant and unnecessary worries and thoughts. These past two years I was stuck in a
hazy rut, with major dependency issues (now, not so major *phew*), and got out of a very
looooong relationship, which I didn't realize how long it actually was until after it was over (
wtf?!). He's moved on now and goes out with a girl we both knew back in college, and although it should feel like a major slap in my not-so-young-anymore-face, I'm not hurt by it in a cry-myself-to-bed-because-I-am-not-over-him kind of way. Rather, I feel like shit with myself in a, wtf-what-was-I-doing-to-myself kind of way. This does sure sound like regret, but in the end, it's a learning lesson, big time.
I'm the one who hurt my own damn self and I'm the one who chose not to look out for my own good. Under the huge misconception of thinking I can ride along and go by his pace and avoid figuring out my own path, I lost myself along the way. Hiding away from the reality I didn't want to face, I forgot who I was, what I wanted to be, and didn't see who I was becoming.
As I realize this transitional stage is a mere stepping stone in the big-picture called life, and everything is a huge process, I truly want to overcome all of this by focusing on what I can do
now, rather than on the could've-would've-should've.
I'm still unsure as to what exactly this blog is supposed to be, but what I think it is, is a work-in-progress, like me. No need for explanations or clarifications;
it is, what it is.
A few months ago, I remember this motivational speaker talking about this concept of "remodeling" oneself. Like a house under renovation, I am dismantling all the broken down and mismatched pieces. Amidst all the rubble and chaos, one by one a new piece is put in place. Slowly, it's starting to take form. And before you know it, the house doesn't look like what it did a few months or a year ago, and when the renovations are complete, you begin to forget about all the shitty mess from a few months back, and time to time, you'll remember what everything looked like before reconstruction, and remind yourself of how much more you love the improved version.
I'm learning how to accept things for what they are, to make mistakes, and to keep working on myself. To those of you who are undergoing "renovations," keep it going, don't stop, and as we Koreans say:
AJA AJA FIGHTING!
Happy 2012! Live it up.
새복 많이 받아라잉!
xoxo
PS. Google Friend Connect will be no longer in service sometime due March,
and later in the year for those of you with blogger accounts. I'm moving all my
blogger subscriptions to
bloglovin' & hope you will too :)
KEEP IN TOUCH!
